I always believe that I can numb myself. Numb it to the point where nothing can affect me at all. #word
- OVERSEAS AT KRABI getaway, tiger airline
- Birthday treat
- Driving Lesson, Bus 188
- car rides home and back
- Tuition at KP
- Mark C
- Egan T
- Tiffany N
- Assisting in school work
- Night out
I wish I can be/
I wish I was/
They had something I cannot overwrite.
They had something I cannot compete with
Here with a glass of chardonnay in hand, let the river carry and tide my waves of sadness away. Let the music run the rhythm of my heart. Let the people here create my moment.
# 1 week’s
You have always been that special someone to me in the past, present and definitely the future. Never wavered, no ever duplicated, without a shadow of a doubt.
No elaine, do not sink into those thoughts yet again.
Do not, Do not replay it, Do not imagine it, Do not imagine to the extremes.
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”
Let’s make out
The Lord is faithful in His doings. He never forsakes me and He abides in the deepest corners of my heart. He guards my soul, heart and mind. Proclaims my future bright, promising and shining. He never leaves me, He is with me forever. He guides my path and holds my hand, calls me with His sweet sounding voice, assuring me that everything is good in Him. I will sit by His feet, go through His motion in His scripted destiny He has for me.
I know I am safe and sound
I really meant those promises which I made, I am sorry that i made it all empty.
I really meant it when I said that there wouldn’t be any shortchange, shortfall, judging, implications and what nots when the truth is revealed.
Im sorry that I made promises with beautifully crafted words, with rainbows and unicorns, with flowers and butterflies. With emotions attached, with future painted, with no boundaries.
I am sorry that I am not a woman of my words, I cant deal with my emotions. I cant leave the past as the past.
I will always feel inferior, that explains my arrogance.
I will always feel judged, that explains my judging to others.
I will always feel lack, that explains my criticism towards others.
I will always feel naked, that explains my need to be clothed with assurance.
I will always feel unwanted, that explains my questionings to obvious answers.
Im that rose without thorns, the only flower in the white house,
that bird with a broken wing, fallen to the ground in a desert,
that girl who is badly scarred that no soft lips could ever fade it away.
I am me in this state, to anyone and everyone.
Why am I so sick to inflict pain upon myself?
When can this thought ever atop haunting me?
Sexual tensions; thrilling